or, alternatively, using my css and html alpha prowess to impress you
your face, the shape, the way it fits exactly into my hands
your body. every position i hold you in or vice versa feels like a natural fit. every part of you seems made to balance out mine and i love that. i mean beyond that you just look hot. rocking bod.
your eyes, the color, the shape, the annoying way i'm tempted to look away whenever you look at me because they're so pretty i feel i need permission to look back
your hair, the smell, the shape, the texture, the way it holds onto bleach and hair dye and is still healthy and somehow not fried, the way that when we cuddle it shoves into my face and if it weren't for its lack of breathable qualities i would fall asleep like that
your warmth. i've been so cold and it's frustrating when you leave and i have to readjust to not having the luxury of wrapping my hands around your neck or waist or hands and fixing the corpselike temperature of my hands
ok back to your face because you've been insecure about it lately which is so lame. your side profile is gorgeous. i cannot tell you how many times you turn to the side and i just stare at you as if youre a marble sculpture in the smithsonian. oftentimes as a gotcha you'll ask if we should swap faces, and when i say no it isn't because i don't want your face. i say no because my face is something i have learned to live with following the natural and unavoidable self hatred of a teenager. but your face has always been something i adore. i dont want to have to love your face or at any point find it detestable. i dont ever want it to be plagued by my own self hatred. i want to look at it in the same awestruck light that i always have and always will. also. side note. if it was mine i would have to carry a mirror everywhere but with you i get to see you with no effort on either side whenever i want. and i always do.
oh god and your humor. sam sometimes you call me the funniest person you know and i dont get it because you know yourself. this especially hit me when we looked through our old posts. you've always been fucking hilarious. my humor has adjusted generically to the times over the years but you stayed consistent. i should be cringing in second hand embarassment but no. i have to laugh. because you're hilarious. when i was a kid doing the describe your dream boyfriend and we'll tell you what blah blah blah you are, they asked what i value most in a partner. i always chose humor because i thought it was a weird question and decided that i would rather be married to a funny cheater than a somber loyal man. i never knew it but i always dreamed of dating somebody like you. i just thought i needed to compromise because my standards are too high but it turns out that you existed all along.
while i wrote this, you analyzed the family guy rollercoaster episode and its inaccuracies in the restraints shown and my face went red. butterflies in my stomach, weak in the knees, smiling like an idiot. even thinking about it now i have to cover my mouth occassionally because of how flustered i am. i love you. i love when you talk about rollercoasters and family guy and especially both and i dont know if you know just how much i love it. i could listen to you for hours, even if its just about the intricacies of stewie's development in later years.
the more i type the more these bulletpoints lose individual definition. it keeps getting harder to type because of how weak and tingly my joints are. it would be more comprehensible if i just took my brain out of my head and chucked it onto my screen. sam i love you. in the cheesiest and gooberish and loserish and middle schoolerish way possible. i love you.
i love how you are you in every way possible. i love how even behind five hundred disguises i could still know that its you. like when i went to the optometrist and he showed me two different lenses and didnt tell me that one was my current prescription, intended to trip me up, but i knew which was which without him telling me. sam did you know that whenever you made a sockpuppet i could tell it was you? of course i have tons of self doubt but at the end of the day there's no hiding you. every part of life feels so indistinguishable at times but without fail you always are and always have been sam. my beautiful, hilarious, warm, comforting sam.
oftentimes you mention proposing and while the concept makes me insane, in those moments where we are seperated metaphorically and literally by just our skin and bones i cant help but disagree. proposing is so finite. proposing is just one act. one ring. one question. one moment. you deserve so much more, the heaven the earth and skies above the planets the stars everything beyond and inbetween our world and a proposal just seems so small. i always feel the need to impress you and in those moments that urge skyrockets. sam i want to propose to you 24/7, thats just a normal state of being for me. but to be more than willing to attempt the indisputably impossible and lasso the state of our universe just for a chance at finally making up all the good you do for me is an urge that is held back by the concept of proposing until you catch me in my weakest moments and you are sam and you are mine.